This Is Our Story

I thought i'm ok...
Tried to login my facebook..
And i saw so many things...

How could i make it better for myself?
Should i really block you?
I don't want to...
But...
You make me feel that i'm really a fool for using so much time on you...

Just because i want you to treat her better..
Doesn't mean that i already can accept this fact...
I really hope that i can make it better..
Hope that i can find my own happiness and continue my journey of life...

It nice that you willing to stop magic for her...
Like what i told you...
You like magic so much more than me...

Just thinking how much you have change for her makes me feel that..
I really not that suitable for you..
But...
For you that have change part of yourself for me..
Thank you...

I still will love you...
Maybe not as a future partner..
But, dear...love you always...

I can't stand it that i don't message you when you are so far away...
I send a message...
Assuming that you are oversea...

The next morning...
Know that you started playing..
Send you another message..
Good luck..
And you replied...

Thank you for that... :)

I still don't dare to go in facebook...
I know i will see lots of things in there...
I will stand strong...
I will try...
I will also miss you like how you miss her..

Take care...

When the truth lies in front of you...
What will you do?

I'm surprise that i didn't cry when i first saw it..
Maybe..
I'm too tired to cry anymore..

Heart still will pain..
Like a knife hit it tremendously...
But..
What can I do?
Life still goes on...

My dear...
Like i always mention in my  post...
Take good care of her...

Not easy for you to find each other finally...
It will not be an easy road..
Like what we face previously...
Just...
Hope that everything will goes on well for you....

Girl...
Still need to comfort...need to tham..
Don't always want to win...
Love may be blind...
But..Reality is there...
So, do take care of her heart as well...

Goodbye my dear..
My love one...

Some how some where...
Everyone say the same thing...
But still it doesn't goes into my mind...

I was told to stop contacting you...
Stop stalking you...
But i couldn't ...

Why i need to face this type of thing?
Can i just be a normal human being that someone loves someone care?

Now that you have her...
I can't force you to do anything any more right?

Someone will be calling you dear..
And you will be calling someone else dear...
Miss you my dear...
That is no longer here...

Where should i find you?

Today...
A few person have been asking me how are you..
including you...
What do you think?

How to face the fact that i'm hurt?
My boss told me not to tell you that i'm hurt...
But..
What's the differences?
Even you know..
Will you turn back?

How to be "siu sa" and walk away?
You all say alot times already..
Yet...
I still can't...
7 months...
What have i been thinking?

Please concentrate on your work now...
Maybe along the way..
You will be better...
You will found your true one....
 I hope this is true...

I need a hug...
Someone please hug me....
:(

Good night...

I know where you went..
And who you went with..

I don't know what you trying to do..
You told me that sorry..
You didn't manage to reply me..
But..
You managed to post things on facebook...

Maybe you are with her...
Not convienent to message me..
I nderstand...
But...
I really not happy...
I'm sorry...

Today...
I try to fill my time as much as possible...
Not to think of you...
Yet...
I still do...

Reach Sepang Super GT...
Saw the cars you like...
Saw miku you like...
All i could think of is you...
How much fun you having there and all...

When will i find myself back?
I start to don't know what i like...
What i want...

I know i need help this time...

I almost break off  the secret me and your sister kept today..
She don't know you going manila for magic..
She thought company trip..
I suddenly say you go korea and phuket..
They like so weird..
Why i know she don't know...

You talk to them more la...
She's your sister..
and they are your family members...
I can't talk to you so much already..
If you don't want...
Maybe she can help you out...
Be more close to them..
When anything happen...
Still family is the one that matters most...

Take care...
Good night...

Another 1 month till my birthday and 2 months till our anniversary...
More like an ex-anniversary...
A word that i have been resisted to use for the past months...

Reading your post yesterday and today..
Make me feel more lonely...
Not sure you went with her or your company...

But, i still remember asking you to see sunrise with me at Kuantan...
You don't want..
Want to sleep :(

And now...
You can watch beautiful sunrise together...

I always tell myself that...
I should give up..
I will find someone better..
Someone that really love me and care for me...
But..
Why i still felt it?

Should i block you?
But blocking it's  just falling into denial again..
Will i get to pull myself up from this hole that i have been digging for so long...
Will another prince charming come and save me?

My dear,
I'm glad that you are happy..
You see the future once again..
But, if once you turn back,
You will see the one that you once love...
Still hurt...
Still struggling...

I know..
It has been a tough road for you as well...
And i hope...
Although i hate to say this....
This new one will really bring happiness to you...
Loving you always...

Didn't get to talk to you ever since yesterday...

How?
I so want to talk to you so badly..
You told me to ask you things in msn if i don't know..
But..

If i continue to dependent on you,
when will i let you go?

:(
Thinking about yesterday's hugs...
Missing you...

Good night..

I wonder what you feel when we finally split the line..
I was really angry at you when you want to cut the line off if i don't cooperate with you..
It's not that i don't want to cooperate but i'm working..
I have meeting...
Don't use those words towards me ok?
I know i hurt you before...
But the damage on me is worst than you can think...

Sorry..
I got angry and took off the necklace you gave me..

So, yes..
We went and split the line..
You asked lots of questions and answered lots of it..
You were busy checking your phone, calling..
Not sure...
Maybe message her...
Don't know...

But, you look so different...
Your face got so many scar...
You look so tired...
You cut your beard...
leaving 1...
or maybe you didn't see that..

You asked about my condition, my work, my family...
I just answered...
Because i don't dare to ask you what i want to know because i don't want to hear things that i don't want to... :(

You asked for a hug before i leave..
Is this the last hug that you will give me...
Or...
I don't know...
I still feel you...
You hug is so powerful...
So tight and firm...
Make me don't want to leave you..
But i know..
I can't hug long..
I know i need to let go...

Miss you so much...
Thank you for everything...
Really..
I will always love you...
Even when i want to hate you..
I still turn out to still care about you...

If what i feel is really true...
I want you to take good care of her..
Make her happy like you once did to me...
Although i don't want to give you to her...
I still want you to be happy...
Loving you is my the best thing i ever did..

Thank you...
Won't be wishing you alone good night again..
Maybe just here...
Good night..

even i know that this will happen one day... why i still feel so sad?? why i still want to wish you to be happy yet i can't be happy myself? how to make this feelings away? being a stone maybe it's not a bad choice afterall... won't need to have feelings for anyone.. don't have to be sad... don't have to be happy... just need to sit at a corner.. without anyone realise you are there or not... because they won't realise whether you have change or not... happy or sad... nothing to show... i always think that there will always still chance for us... since you say you not sure about future.. why bluff me when you know that it's not true?? why make me trust you when you know you will not stay... why???? i know i cannot blame you because this is what i choose.. maybe. this is the result and i have to bear with the consequences.. i'm sorry... i know i say i won't cry for you anymore... but i did... once again... you break my heart that haven't heal... i'm sorry to myself... i broke your own promise.. good nite my dear.. forever not mine anymore...

I know what you are doing..
And i felt it so much...
Because i know what is happening?

Why must you do back the same thing you to me to her?
The games, songs, and things you did to make me happy..
To laugh at your jokes...
To smile and pampered with your songs...
That song i introduced to you...
Can't you keep it for us?

Why do i have to deal with this?
I feel like blocking you so much...
That i don't have to see all this anymore..
But...
I don't want to lose contact with you...
I still want you in my life..
Maybe you don't need me anymore...

But..
You made an important point in my life..
And i wish to keep this memories...
As for now..
It's the best i ever had...

I hope...
My time spent with you..
You will treasure it as well..
Only to know that it's impossible... :(
Take care my dear..
Take care of her as well...

Chester asked..
Cedric answered Kenneth la...

I said no..
He said don' bluff...
Even children also don't believe me :(

They like to ask this question...
When only will i get to answer them?
Can someone please help me to answer them...

While outside whole day with mum...
Whole brain keep thinking...

If i meet you here..
What i should do..
Since you like to bring me to new places previously...

But..
I never do...

***************************************************

Today..
Keep finding ways to hide from mum about her present...
She so cute...
She said "i want present...."
We didn't give her her Mother's Day present and Birthday Present yet...
So pity... :P

Will see when can we keep the secret...
Or maybe we should reveal it...
Hehe...
Thinking...

Good Night...

of 3rd job...

Spend the whole day...
facebook, msn, looking at strangers and smile...

Hope that next week will be better..
At least some fun stuff to work with...

He's having fun..
Seems so happy..
Maybe even happier than with me..
That's why he can let go so easily...
Should be happy for him that he found someone better..
More suitable for him than me..

But..
Why i feel heart not well?
Felt it so much... :(

Will you get me someone else as well?
So that i can move on as well?
:(