Seems like you have been happy when i'm away..
You finally changed your status..
Maybe..
I really need to do something...
Really...
Please focus on work, friends and also family..
Don't think anymore la..
:(
Tomorrow start new work..
You should be happy...
Don't think so much k..
Please..
Go and sleep...
Good night
Yes..
And i Guess it correctly..
Any present for me?
I somehow wish that this thing that i guess not true...
Why must it come true?
Why you want to do so?
Why the things that i wish didn't come true..
But things that i didn't wish for come true...
I asked for him to be by my side..
Not leaving me further and further...
If last time, i heard anyone say going to kepong..
I will be very glad to follow..
Because after that,
I can meet you..
But..
Now..
I'm scared...
I don't know what i should expect..
What i should not think anymore...
How should it end?
Is this the way you wanted it to be?
Today...
It's weird...
Cause you very long time didn't approach me already...
Today you started the conversation..
Then in facebook you also start the conversation...
Receive your message really comforting..
Don't know why..
Already it's just a simple hi... what you are doing...
Hmm...
Maybe i'm still not use to it...
Give me abit more time k...
I will try...
Thinking what to do is really a difficult task..
How come there's no guidelines on where to go, what to do in life?
Why must let us try out the path that we decide to?
Why don't you decide it for us?
Then we don't have to fall down..
Hurt..And climb back up again and try?
Then, everyone will be happily ever after...
As you will meet the correct person..
At the correct time and place...
With the correct feel...
Everything would be perfect...
But...
It's not like that...
Everything also need to decide..
You asked whether i got go midvalley or not tomorrow...
The last time you asked that..
You wanted to cut off my line...
Is this what you wanted to do as well?
Why..
Talk half way then went away?
What is in your mind that you wanted to say but don't dare to say?
To ask me...
Stay away from you?
To tell me..
About your new girlfriend?
Or what?
Can you stop breaking promise?
Like..
Need to say byebye and good night?
Only me...
That tries not to break it..
But i already do..
Sometimes...
Maybe...
You won't care about it anymore also....
At least...
If you are with me..
I don't need to make this decision...
I will be much easier..
I will confirm stay...
But...
Now...
I don't know...
I want to stay..
I want to go...
:(
Can you please tell me what i should do?
I finally told you about the offer..
After you asked me about the interview the other day...
Early in the morning..
Singapore company called and asked whether confirmed or not..
Inform them about the salary...
She will re-discuss about it...
Then, asked another company...
Should be hired..
Now what?
Which side should i go...
You answered me..
Go la...better money...
Now...
The money is not really better...
Should i go?
I can't decide...
HUHUHUHHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU.....
Someone ask me out for a date..
And...
I rejected him..
It's funny...
I don't know how to answer him..
And... this is how it goes...
I don't know what should i decide...
I always wanted to go singapore to work..
So that i can get rid of you...
So that i won't have the urge to go and meet you...
So that i won't be able to drive a car and find you when i want to...
So that i can maybe find someone better..and take care of me...
So that i can start a new life..
Without you...
I know it will be even more difficult than here...
But i still want to give it a try...
But now..
When i get an offer...
I don't know whether i should go or not..
Can i really leave everything behind and move on like you did?
Should i leave here?
The place where our memories belong?
I really don't know...
Being here...
With my family near me..
I still can feel the pain and loneliness...
If i have to live alone,
Outside there..
What will it be?
I don't know..
I really don't...
I don't know what i should do..
Should i still stand strong on my thoughts?
Or should i stay here?
Being near where i feel comfortable the most?
Or ... is it still??
I'm confused..
I don't know what i want..
I don't know what i need..
I don't know what to look for...
I miss you alot..
haven't meet you for more than a month...
Take good care...
Good night...
You wish me good luck for my interview yesterday..
Sorry..
I didn't wish you good night..
Only managed to see your message this morning...
I try to stop the habit to wish you good night..
You asked about my interview today...
You still remember about it?
And you wish me luck again before leaving to prepare for the presentation..
I was worried..
I was nervous..
Having you by side..
Really calms me alot...
But...
When i'm alone there..
I still feel it..
I wanted to message you so much..
To tell you..
Or maybe to call you..
Just to hear you...
But i know i can't...
Somehow..
I don't know whether i want this interview to be successful or not..
I want it to be successful so that i can stay here..
Somewhere near you and my family...
So that i can pursue what i wanted..
But...If this is successful..
I will lose a big chance to be even successful in singapore...
I don't know..
Which should i choose?
I really got a chance to go to singapore to work...
To go away from you..and places that is related to you...
But...
I don't know whether i really wanted to go or not..
Put aside that..
The pay offered...
Is low...
But..
If I'm really successful,
I will have a great career...
If I'm not...
I still will have a job in Singapore...
Given the chance to develop my own company...
It's really once in a lifetime chance..
I want to go for it..
But...
Can i handle the stress?
Can i really cope?
Can i build up a company on my own?
Can i really do what she can do?
I don't know..
I doubt my own ability...
Asides..
Being far away from my family...
Far away from you...
Can i do it?
No one will be there for me to bug on..
No one will be there to spend time with me..
No one will be there to help me out...
Dear...
I want to hear your opinion...
But...
I don't think it matters to you anymore... :(
Good night...
You said that you slept already yesterday..
But you replied my facebook message 2 hours later...
Anyhow...
Still glad that you replied my messages...
I wonder what you are thinking and what you are doing..
I want to be the one to listen..
To help you out in the problem..
But...
You seems like will never talk to me about problems...
Ups and Downs anymore..
Only hi...
What are you doing...
How are you...
Miss you...
Haven't seen you ever since Hunger Games..
Take care..
Tired...
Will reblog about today tomorrow...
Good night...
Everyone don't seem to agree..
Why?
Because you all think that i go there work because of him..
Maybe before this...
I have that in mind...
But now..
No..
I want to work what i really want..
I want to do what i really want to do...
It's enough that i used quarter of my life on parent's decision...
I know you are reading this..
Please..
Tell them..
I still miss him..
I still want to see him..
I still want to be with him..
But..
Without him..
I still want to do what i want to do..
I still want to chase my dreams..
I know this will be difficult..
Waiting and hanging on here..
I can only wait for the new thing to fill in my broken heart..
I need something to push the sadness away..
And make myself happy again..
Maybe..
I still can't smile like previously..
But I still want to smile once awhile..
Until..
I can really smile again...
Good night...
No chance to type blog at Sandakan..
They still pass message about gathering..
Today didn't get to say good night to you..
Maybe you are asleep..
Or maybe you are just busy playing Diablo..
Don't know..
You careful la..
Will be a busy day tomorrow..
You take care..
Good night
I don't understand why you want to ask me about my status..
When i don't care..
You care.
When you care..
I don't know what to do.. :(
Why don't you just post at my facebook..
But choose to contact me personally..
Is it you scare someone else see we still in contact..
Or you really still care?
I don't know..
I'm trying..
I hope I can do it..
You so busy..
Making video to submit..
Jia you k..
Don't make ownself so tired..
Hope your video will get some award..
Take care..
Good night...
You said hi...
after a whole day of without contact...
I'm happy of course..
We talked..
About today..
About games..
About work..
Weird thing is..
I know what you doing..
But you told me that you are doing something else..
Maybe..
You have alot of computer now that you can multi task?
Not sure..
Just that..
Dear..
I'm starting to let go..
I know it's hard..
I still need to try..
Coz I know...
What I need to do for my future..
I love you...
tong zai yan zhong bian cheng lei zai xin zhong bian cheng hui
痛 在眼中變成淚 在心中變成灰
Pain, in my eyes it has become tears, in my heart it has become ashes
mei you shen me neng an wei
沒有什麼能安慰
There isn't anything that can comfort me
pa bei shi jian bian cheng lei bei xiang xiang bian cheng bei
怕 被時間變成累 被想像變成悲
Afraid, that time will make me tired, turning what I have imagined to grief
xi wang dou bei fen sui
希望都被粉碎
Hope has all been crushed
bu an you shi hui beng kui you shi hui yuan DUI
不安有時會崩潰 有時會怨懟
When I feel uneasy I would sometimes break down, sometimes I would enmity
hao xiang zen me dui dai dou bu dui
好像怎麼對待都不對
It seems like whatever you do/treat it/ isn't right
kan de chu ni yin cang duo shao de pi BEI
看得出你隱藏多少的疲憊
It can be seen how much exhaustion you have hidden
que hai shi jian chi zhe ai bu duan jia bei
卻還是堅持著愛不斷加倍
But you still strongly believe that love will continue to double
rang wo gan dong ye rang wo kui dui
讓我感動也讓我愧對
It has made me really touched and made me feel ashamed
xie xie ni men ai wo de mei ge ren
謝謝你們 愛我的每個人
Thank you, each and everyone who love me
zai wo de ren sheng zui xiang yi chang e meng de lü cheng
在我的人生最像一場惡夢的旅程
who have accompanied me to break and bravely wake up
pei wo zheng tuo yong gan de qu xing lai
陪我掙脫 勇敢地去醒來
from this journey in my life, which is the most like a nightmare,
dang wo de hu wei wei wo DAO gao xin ling geng qiang ren
當我的護衛 為我禱告心靈更強韌
(thank you) for being my bodyguards and for praying for me so that my heart will become even more robust
xie xie ni men ai wo de mei ge ren
謝謝你們 愛我的每個人
Thank you, each and everyone who love me
rang wo nu li HOU ke yi xie xie zi ji hen tan cheng
讓我努力後可以謝謝自己很坦誠
for letting me work hard so I'll be able to thank myself then for being honest
hui xiang bu tong huo jue wang dao duo kai
會想不通 或絕望到躲開
I would (sometimes) not understand or lose hope and hide away
dan ni men zuo de zong rang wo xiang jian qiang fu ze ren wei le ai zhong sheng
但你們做的 總讓我想堅強負責任 為了愛重生
But the things you do always make me want to be strong and take responsibility and to be reborn for love
xin bai tuo ye de hei wang lan tian er fei bei yang guang bao wei
心 擺脫夜的黑 往藍天而飛 被陽光包圍
Heart, has broken away from the darkness of the night and is flying towards the blue skies being surrounded by sunlight
zhi wei le ni yi ju wo xiao de hao mei
只為了 你一句我笑得 好美
For one sentence you say I would smile beautifully
wo ren zhu le tai man zhang de lei
我忍住了 太漫長的淚
I would hold in the long-lasting tears
kan de chu ni yin cang duo shao de pi BEI
看得出你隱藏多少的疲憊
It can be seen how much exhaustion you have hidden
que hai shi jian chi zhe ai bu duan de jia bei
卻還是堅持著愛不斷地加倍
But you still strongly believe that love will continue to double
rang wo gan dong ye rang wo kui dui
讓我感動也讓我愧對
It has made me really touched and made me feel ashamed
He edited the pictures and made bear bear smile...
Why is this work not done by you?
But by him, who i rejected?
I don't know whether he know about the story behind this bear or not...
But..
Where are you?
Why you can come into my life one day..
And went missing another day...
Is this what you like doing?
Playing games on me?
Or more to revenge?
I know i wrong..
And I know you wrong also..
I'm willing to forgive and accept my mistake...
Yet...
You don't care...
Everyone everywhere..
Wants me to give up...
Just one word from you "don't"...
I will not...
But..
You didn't say anything...
You just come and go as you like..
Did you think about my situation..
What you have been doing to me?
Did you ever realise?
What i should do?
I want to give up...
And i don't want to let go...
How am i suppose to do this?
Like what you say..
You didn't give up..
You just move on..
How you did that?
Crying the heart out is really painful..
Even without tears..
Can feel it.. :(
I cried alot last night...
Talked to her for hours..
Till like 5am this morning...
I know her logic..
I know what she tries to do..
But yet..
I still can't do what she wants me to do...
You messaged me first in msn today..
Ask how am i..and my wound..
Thanks..
Really appreciate it..
I don't know..
Like she say..
Maybe it's for real that you are taking me as a backup..
I told her..
I'm willing..
As long as you don't put me aside..
But how long can i wait for you?
When will you return?
Or will you ever return??
I miss your hugs...
Miss you lotz....
You have been avoiding me the whole day..
Not sure whether you are really busy or what..
But you have time to post in facebook...
You choose to break promise..
But i don't want to..
Can i have lunch/dinner with you tomorrow?
I don't dare to ask you...
I have been rejected so many times...
And yet..
I still want to try...
Is this naive?
Maybe..
I think so...
Or maybe it's just thick face..
Don't want to give up...
Like teacher say...
It's just that i don't want to admit that i made the wrong decision at the first step of getting in a relationship with you...
Or...
It's just that i don't want to admit that i made the wrong decision to call for break up...
But..
I already admit it..
I said i'm sorry...
But that's no point of turning back...
Why?
Why when you do mistake then i always want to forgive you?
But when i do mistake..
You can don't care..
Can find new target?
Should i do the same also?
No...
I don't want to hurt those people who love me by pretending to love them...
I miss you..
Just be safe..
Careful...
Sometimes i really don't understand what you thinking...
Why you like to offline online offline online?
Maybe is just me..
Too free to see what you doing...
Hmm...Wonder what do you have in mine..
Really miss knowing what you thinking and doing...
Take good care..
Good night...
What to do when you can't do anything??
I found it..
But what can i do?
NOTHING!
I hate it when i can't do anything..
So sad..
You were there to repeat tell me what i should do..
But..
I still don't dare to risk..
I need you by my side..
But i don't dare to mention it again..
Because..
Everytime i tell you...
You get more and more angry...
Sorry...
I still love you...
Miss you my dear..
I still can't stand not having your messages and news..
I thought that i'm ok already..
Since i can do other things whole day..
Till night only send you a good night message...
But,
The feelings are coming back again..
I don't know..
What is wrong with me?
I have tried to stop thinking..
Not that there isn't anyone else by my side..
Yet..
I still can't let go...
I really don't know what i can do...
I'm sorry...
I still want you by my side..
Everyone was there during the dinner...
Just...
Thinking..
It will be nicer if i have you here...
Miss you so much....
I miss you...
And now i really need you..
When i'm in pain...
I messaged you..
Told you that i hope that you were here..
You told me that you are at work...
Can't come over...
Even not at work..
Will you come and visit me?
I hold her hands..
But my whole mind was thinking about you...
I was in pain..
Yet..
All i think is still you...
What should i do without you?
It's raining heavily outside..
Have a good night sleep..
Hope that the wound will be better tomorrow..
Went and Sing K Today...
Most of the songs i sang are broken heart songs without realising it...
Until, i can feel the song lyrics...
Saying bout us...
I'm sorry for the things that i did to you....
I started to feel you are a stranger to me..
All the things that you posted in facebook..
I can't relate..
I don't know what you are talking about..
I felt the pain :(
Good night...
Haven't post blog for 2 days i think..
Hmm..
What have i been thinking?
Waiting for you to come back to me?
I receive few miss call and message from you..
I didn't manage to answer them..
Either i didn't heard them..
Or i was busy..
I'm sorry...
I don't know whether you care for me or you just want to know why i didn't on msn find you...
I really want to know what you are thinking...
When i talk to you..
You just keep a distance..
And don't really talk..
Until i talk to you...
Dear..
I really want to call you this..
But..
You don't allow me to call anymore..
I'm sorry..
I really don't know what else i should say other than that...
Missing you... :(
