I'm thinking what you are what you are thinking of..
Sometimes you are worried...sometimes you seems to forget..
I not sure what you want and what to do with you..
Can you please tell me?
I'm worried...
I want to know your whereabouts...
But..you seems don't really care....
When i post i'm jealous of yeepeng's husband..
I'm really jealous...
Everytime i OT with Yee Peng, he sure will come and accompany Yee Peng..
Bring food for her...
Today..She ask for chocolate..
And he really come with chocolate...
He even help Yee Peng to do work and accompany her...
Makes me think...
What you really think of me?
What we are now?
Will you really appreciate what you have now?
Will you know what I want?
Will you care like that for me?
I'm sorry..
But i really need to make this clear...
Today is already the last day of 2011...
I want to make this right..
To know what you are thinking..
And what to do with next year..
I don't want to keep this hanging anymore...
I'm sorry that I can't give you more time..
This time are taking too much time...
I keep thinking about it...
At least if you want to let go..
I know how to do...
or at least if you want to get back together..
I know what to do...
Please...
And do appreciate the person that you want to stay with now...
NO matter who the person are...
I will be happy for you...
And thanks for being there for me throughout these years...
I always dream of this type of life...
What we always see in tv...
Fairytale story...
only that we didn't know each other when we are kids...
We started off very early...
Back in college...
We spend most of the times together..
For Break time...
We play the piano, sleep in dsa, do assignment in labs, play games etc...
I remember i thought you how to play a song that i don't know how to play...
We also like to spend time at Midvalley..
Just a few hours break..we can drop by there for a movie..
That makes my album full... :)
For assignment..
We are always in the same group...except for those that we cannot chose..
You will always take time to do the assignment..
While i wait for last minute..
You will accompany me do till midnight..
Even my thesis...
I do do do...till last minute..
I not sure where are you...
But i remember i sit alone at level 9..
I think its' exam time...
For experiment...
We think of all sorts of experiment at first..
But we ran out of idea very quickly...
But we ran out of idea very quickly...
Remember the one that we do in the small room..
So hot that we need to take fan...
So cold that one of our participants left...
Make it a variable that probably affect our result..
For outdoor assignments...
We do charity work..
We went to orphanages...spca...play with the kids and doggies...
We do marketing project..
We sell snacks in the class, herbal eggs, hotdogs..
Still remember Kahshuen say "Fresh hotdogs"
We also did some outdoor activities..etc...
For classes..
We took all the same classes..throughout the 4 years..
Even when you initially plan to take computer games and design...
You ended up with Psychology...
Maybe this is something you miss you...
What you really like...
Some classes are really fun...like marketing class... we get to play with advertisements..
Some class is really strict.. like Ms Winnie's Class... "Question 1"
Some classes are really boring.. like the business management class..i forgot her name...and i sleep in her class...which is really bad..
You taught me to skip classes back in Foundation..haha...
For Food...
We always go for Ali Maju,Lan Maju...
And also Siber...or the mix rice aunty..
Yum Yum...
Miss those food...
But for you now, should be abit sick of those food?
After 4yrs...u still need eat that food..haha..
For clubs and societies...
We join the same club...
Arcades, Rotary... i can't remember others...
Only that you join Chess..i can't...
That's where i learn how to play chess...
Starting to get to know what is what...
You give up..and take up Magic again...
A game that make us travel here and there..
Subang, Central, Midvalley, EM, Ipoh, Singapore...
Everytime you join activities..
I will surely support you...
Maybe that's what my family always did to me..
Always support me..no matter where am i..
Also, we even founded our own club..Mindgames...
Travel to seapark to buy our games...
And now the games belongs to us...
Remember what kenneth phun say...
"There is a club like this previous..The games left together with the president"
Haha...Same goes with this president...
Then, we graduated..
Wear on our robes and mortar hat...
Took pictures and had dinner...
Head of to the working society...
Even in work..
We went to the same company for internship...
Mr Jim was kind enough to accept both of us..
Not sure whether he really need people or maybe we are just plain lucky..
We ended up working together...
Initially afraid of people knowing we are couple..
But somehow they knew it... :p
Working with Michael, Andy, Bruce, Gerald, Mandy and Siew Mei..
It's quite fun though...
Then, our last week of internship, they send us out for lunch everyday at different location nando's..
Under the sun and rain..stand on top of the bustop bench and all...haha...
Then, we came back for 3months or so..
When only finish exam few days...
We started working...with the term that he allow a 2 weeks off after that...
He again hired both of us...
In a week, we catch up a whole lot of things...
In a month, we both handle own project...
As times goes by, we ended up working later and later...
Still remember i ask Mr Jim when interview...Is the working time still the same?
He say " Yes yes..9-6...now better...we go back earlier...." Haha..
But before 6pm is working time...after 6pm is learning time...
But we also lucky, get to sit opposite each other...
Work in the same team...
Still remember how evelyn say us when we disagree on things?
She say "Aiyo, go home only argue..don't argue here..like husband and wife only"
Then, you have to follow boss out for Ambank...I follow Evelyn...
Not a bad experience...haha...
We also went holidays...
TO so many places... Ipoh, Pangkor, Melaka, Kuantan, Penang, Kedah..
Especially Genting Highlands...
seems to be our favourite spot...
You also brought me to the place where the animals i want to see to most stay...
Australia...Kuala Bear...and Kangaroos...
Thank you...Really really happy :)
Then,we went Singapore...
1st time...leaving our parents..leaving the country alone...
All by ourselves..
Remember that yesterday you tell me that i went with my cousin alone?
Actually I went with you to most places alone...
Just that you didn't realise it...
For monthsary..
We will wear the same tshirt...
Especially the blue one...
Remember once we go all the way up to Genting just to get a couple tshirt..Ali Shirt..
We will eat together and spend time to watch movie..
or do something together...
We promise, no matter how busy..
We also need to spare time out...
Even after we start work...
But...we didn't make it...
We postponed it to weekends...
Sometimes i waited..
For miracle to happen...
For you to show out somehow...
Even when i want to go to bed..
I also will keep hoping...
But I know it's difficult..
You have work...
And you are tired too...
We went on separate ways...
To our own working enviroment...
To place where we only have strangers...
We start all over again...
Working from scratch...
While you are working your way up...
I seems to lost mine...
I lost the track of place and time...
Don't know what I should do...
In between times,
I lost alot of friends..
I spend alot of time and effort..
But i gain you...
Your time and effort...
You have your friends, your game and your career..
Can we still finish the journey?
I'm not sure...
Without your trust, without my confidence...
It's quite difficult..
I know.......
Now...only can see...
What time can do for us...
Found this on one of my friend's wyall...
Sometimes yousay that girls ask for so many thing..
They want this..they want that...
When she ask for A, B and then C...
You start to give A...She already waiting for C...
But when ask why she want C...
She don't know...
Maybe because waited for A and B too long..
Now at the moment...she want C...
But when you give her C, she already thinking of something else...
Girls thinks alot...that's why they change very fast..
But for sure not their heart...
For lots of thing...
they will never ask...
Just like when they keep quiet...
They are thinking...
How to say..to make you know what they want..
But not telling you what is it...
to make her happy when you know what is it...
Why don't make it easier?
Tell it out?
Coz...girls are like this..
They want to know how much you know about her..
And how much you really care..
Just like my colleague husband come over to work place...
scare its too late...it's dangerous...
scare she hungry....he brought snacks...
scare she alone....accompany her...
scare she tired...ask her to go home...
I always wanted you to do this..
To come visit me...
To accompany me...
But i never really request for it...
Because I know...
You are tired...
You also need to work...
But still...i will wish for it...
And continue silent...
To see
How much you know about me..
How much you understand..
How much you care...
How much you willing to put in effort and time...
On the other hand...
I will also try..
Just to see you smile sincerely...
Shakespeare
- I did not play with your feelings...but i seems to have lost you half way...
I admit that i did not solve the problem well...i'm sorry for that...
Napoleon
-Hmm...who is bad and who is good now? Maybe i'm playing the bad side...
Now...you are silence....Make me scare..don't know what i should do...
When you keep responding to me...i still feel better...
When you stop messaging and calls...i'm afraid... :(
Einstein
-Yes..i have seen your achievement without me...in your career...in magic...
Maybe...this is what my decision benefits you...Maybe without me..
everything will be working better for you....
Leaving me behind...stopping at the same spot...
I wonder...What will happen to me...
Abraham Lincoln
-I'm weak in this...but I'm not strong either...
Not at any end...who am I?
I also don't know...
Maybe all this while..i'm too depending on you...
I lost the sense of direction...the sense of life...
Martin Luther King
- :) Living together is not one easy task...
It really needs patient, understanding, honesty, and other elements to live together..
Not just you like me and I like you then we can stay together happily ever after...
I know we are opposite of each other...this makes it even more difficult for us to communicate...
even on simple things....Which makes it also the biggest problem that I can't solve until now...
Can you teach me what i should do?
Mahatma Gandhi
-Forgiveness?? Don't know where i should start with...
I'm sorry for the things that i said that hurt you..
I'm sorry for the things that i did that hurt you..
I'm sorry that I decide to let go..
I'm sorry that I love you..
I'm sorry ...
Dr Abdul Kalaam
-Yes...this is very true...
It's very easy to make someone hurt...
Just say something or do something...
You can't take it anymore..
But...to win back somemone...
You need to do more than just say and do...
It takes time...effort....and sometimes it doesn't work too...
The wound will be there forever...
Hope that time can heal this wound...
And it's not too late....
Thanks for everything...
I thought you want to spend time with me.
So i keep ask mum and dad to send me home.
But i don't receive any confirmation from you until now and you told me that you will come at 9pm.
I know i cannot get angry, i know i cannot say anything.
But yet..i still want to tell you that i'm not happy.
I always want to spend christmas with my family as i always told you...
But this year...i want to spend with you...
They scold me i always want to stay at home and for you to come...
But....
I don't know what i should do...
I don't feel like going out anymore...
But i want to meet you...
Can you tell me what should i do?
You tell me that you don't know why I weird weird...
Because I'm crying here...
Waiting alone....
Why am i always so stupid to think that you will care and you will do what it takes to make our relationship better?
why do i always put high hope on you?
why when i give up you give me hope and i don't accept, you tend to give up?
why i always want to give you chance but you don't appreciate it?
why must i suffer like this?
why i don't give up?
why i need to face your attitude like this?
why do i listen to your calls and reply your messages?
why i want wait for things to change?
why i need you by my side?
why you always not there?
why you don't understand what i want?
why i think you will wait for me?
why you don't care?
why you can treat me like this?
When you ask me movie, i thought we still can make a change...
Why I feel sad and happy at the same time?
I don't know what will happen....
I don't know how to react and respond to you...
I don't know whether is right for me to make this decision...
I don't know what to do...
I don't know....
I don't know...
I don't know..
I don't know.
You ask what u doing on 26 n 27 dec ?
After 1 hour only you reply me...
and yet i still don't know you ask for what...
When you told me that you going genting highland on that day...
i finally know that..
you have make up your mind...
I still remember you said that you won't go there if i don't go...
because you don't want to...
That is the place where we spent most of our holidays together....
Just feeling not happy...I'll be fine...
Today finally i told you what i feel...
and...what you told me is to calm down and stop crying...
That's not the answer that i want to hear...
not what i want to know...
You said that you are always here....
Where?
You said that you want me to be happy...
But i'm not happy...
You said that the biggest sacrifice you did for me is to respect my decision...
But you don't know what i really want...
You said that you are sad when i told you that I'm tired of making you happy..
But did you know how sad for me to say out those words?
You said that i always think what i think is correct...
But don't you know that you feel that way also..Everyone also will think that themselves is correct...
I don't know whether this is what i should tell you...
Or is it just when you are not here anymore i feel the pain....
Today i wanted to tell you....
but you not home yet...
I tried to msg you...
I tried to call you...
But you hang me up....
I not feeling well...
And i can't get you... :(
****************
*edited*
maybe because this is the day you went and watch movie with you know who...
and yet you say you did not...
I don't know whether did i make the right decision for telling you.....
Today you came and exchange gift with me...
I wonder what does this mean?
The album brings back lots of memories...
Many pictures that i already hide far behind my brain...
What you really want me to do??
"Towards the Sunset, Thanks for being a part of my life"
Do you know what this means?
From my interpretation...
You already give up...you already make the decision that this is the end...
Why you don't understand that i always want you to make changes...
make hope..and see what we can do about this...but....i don't know..
maybe i hurt you too much that you think it's better this way...
continue with your life....and you don't need me to continue in your life...
I wanted to prepare something special for you...
went and look for pictures..
What i get??
I saw the maple message from Ifflynn...
I couldn't help it...
I felt the pain that is hidden for these few years...
Did that really happen?
I really want to know.
Can you please tell me the truth?
I can't stand it anymore...
and i ask you again..
you answered
"no I din together with her. That's all I can tell u and no point I lie to u also now.
What you want to think it's up to u. I cannot help u on that. "
When i received this message, i really feel i really stupid..
What am i waiting for? what i want hear from you?
you already told me that no point to lie to me now...
means...you already don't care?
Why i always think that you will be honest with me...
Why i always believe you...
Why....
Today you won for EDH...
And you are the team leader...
Do i really bring bad luck for you?
Because everytime i'm not here to support you for events..
You seems to make it better..
In magic, in chess...and others...
Maybe it's really better for me to choose this part...
You can have more times with your friends and magic...
You can do what you wanted all these while...
Every now and then...
my colleague will call me...
Ask for this and that...
can't they just solve it themself??
I feel i going to give up on my work anytime soon...
I feel like hiding under the table...
I want someone to protect...
someone that will care for me...
I want to tell you...
I want to share with you...
But i don't know how...
And i end up msging you...
I know i shouldn't..
sorry...
I miss you and I really do...
I still feel i need you...
What should I do?
I don't know whether i should tell you this or not?
I know that if i tell you this...
1) you might be very happy..and we can together again...
but i might hurt you again when i felt is not right..
2) you might be so hurt that you won't even want to care anymore...
both also i don't want it to happen....
How??
Heart...
can you tell me what to do?
Today you called...
But i missed it...
Everytime i see a miss call...
I feel very happy...
It shows that you still care for me..
HAha..MAybe that's what i think only...
Thanks for the calls...
It really make my day :)
************************************
Another note...
I received my first christmas present this year..
A present that i always wanted..
But it's not from you...
How much i wish that this present is from you..
Because you are always the first to prepare christmas present for me...
Thanks to the person that prepare the present for me...
I don't want to disappoint you...
We can only be friends like I told you so.....
Didn't go meeting today..
Don't feel like and don't want to...
Add also ku not feeling well...
Making it more time for me to think think think....
Waited for you to reply my msg...
So so so long...
that i fall asleep...
When you reply..
Wake up...
Read msg..
Reply..
Continue sleep...
I wonder why...
Why I still care...
After so long, this is the first time we meet up for movie...
It feels abit weird...
Don't know what to say and what to do..
But thanks for the movie...
Makes me think back about Madagascar..
Our very first movie... :)
Thanks...
Wanted to ask you to come bring kaycie see doctor..
But you seems busy with Magic...
Can't spend time for her..
Everytime also like that..
Magic always seems so important to you...
When will you realise that...
we need some time also..
or maybe...
now you already don't need to think about spending the tine with us....
MAGIC...can you make miracle happen?
Today mark a month....
What happen in this one month really make me quite disappointed..
I don't know what I expect from you..
But i always think that 6years will make you think what to do and how to help us..
But you just stop there after 2 weeks...
With respect to my decision, you don't want to do anything anymore?
You asked me whether i want to share what i wasi thinking about?
I have too much in mind..
where should i start from?
how to say you have better life now?
Yes.maybe i assume too much...
But that is what i see from here..
I can't see much without you telling me what is happening...
I don't have eyes beside you to see what you doing and how you feel...
But i can see that you have better career...better achievement now..
That is why i say you have a better life now...
Maybe you don't agree with me..
Maybe i'm wrong...
But i really hope you will have a good one...
Today you not feeling...
But i can't go and visit you...
or do something to make you feel better...
I only can sit here and msg you once awhile....
You should be ok...
still can go EM play PS3...
But me...
think think think..
worried worried worried...
I wonder what i should do... :(
Tomorrow will mark one 1 month !!
When i wake up and read your msg...
I was worried..
But i cannot call you...
What should i do?
Food poisoning..
And yet you went to work...
So naughty...
Why must you do this to yourself?
Always sick also don't mc...
Don't know that people will worried about you...
You must guai guai..
I not by your site take care of you...
I cannot handle so much things...
Work, family and you...
I very tired...
I need someone to take care of me...
To help and guide me through this...
My promise to you...
You just told me that you just saw the pictures...
and you really appreciate it..
Thanks..
I'm glad that you are happy about it..
I thought that you didn't want it to be there because i saw you untag previous pictures..
Makes me think for a moment..
Whether to show you those pictures or not...
If you don't know, i go to your facebook page everytime i login to facebook..
To see your condition, your location, and what you have been doing all this while...
hoping to see more of you there...especially when your friends upload your pictures...
Really thanks to them..
Everyday i will wait for you to come and visit mum..
or more like accompanying me..
I want to see you..want to hug you..
want you to be with me..
but you didn't show up.....
I tried to message you..
To check with you whether you coming to visit mum or not...
You are too busy...
You can't come..
Everytime i see the door open...
My heart will skip a beat...
whether is it you...
But everytime i will fall back into disappointment...
It's others...but surely one that care for mum and me..
Making me calm for a moment...
At that moment...
I know...you are not here when i need you the most :(
When mum almost can't make it today, i really really hope that you are by my side..
I grab my phone..
Don't know what to do..
I called you...
I can barely talk...
Really scare...
Really afraid...
This time is for real that i can't do anything for mum...
Just to sit by her side..
To pray and hold her hands...
Dear, i really really wish that you can be here..
To accompany me through this...
I starting to can't think properly..
I really need someone to depend one...
My dad don't know why keep go to badminton court..
My brother's computer game seems more important than anything...
It seems like you more willing to spend time at EM with your magic than me..
Why everyone like this?
I just need someone to pui me..
I really very very happy when you come and accompany me yesterday..
Although i wake up middle of the night, knowing that you called my brother to come leaving me with them...It does not feel good at that moment...
I want you to stay longer...
But..I cannot ask for it...
Having you to hug me throughout the hours...
Makes me feels calm and i can really relax for that moment...
Thanks for coming...
I went to work today...after overnight at hospital accompany mum..
I didn't really sleep throughout the night...
It's not an easy task to take care of a patient...
Really...
I really salute nurses and patients' family member...
I'm glad that you offer to come and visit mum..
Cause you are the person that i want to meet the most aside from my relatives..
they come and scold...and just responding to their messages makes me exhausted...
Everyone was worried...and we can't do anything..
Besides praying and making all sorts of things for mum to eat..
Transferring mum to ICU today is not an easy task...
Out of no where...dad ask me to go home and rest..
Suddenly mum transfer to ICU.. platelet drop till 12??
I really don't know what to do.. :(
Please please tell me that mum is ok...
Thank you for bringing mum the medicine..
This is the first time i meet up with you after we become friends..
In a hospital...
A place that i wouldn't wish to meet anyone...
Messaging with you throughout the night makes me feel better..
Someone accompanying me..
Although the topic we say...
Makes me feel sad..
and i know how bad you feel...
When you said " ever since you unchecked me as ur relationship" that sounds really bad...
I remember i agreed to be your girlfriend is in friendster..
that time was in moral/ pengajian am class...
when to the computer lab and changed the status...
I changed the facebook status...to complicated after a week..and to nothing after 2 weeks..
when you didn't continue to do anything..
not even come and visit me...
i don't know...whether you really taking it seriously or not..
you only call or message once a while...
I don't know what you thinking of..
and i decided to do it..
so i need to end with what i started...
I'm Sorry...i didn't want to...
Mum admitted to hospital and you still don't know about it..
I wanted to tell you..
But...don't know how to tell you..
Want you to come...
To comfort me maybe...
I hope you can be here...
Yes...i sleep d..
I guess everytime you can't sleep you also will message me...
I receive this message..But when i reply it's already early in the morning...
Sorry...
I didn't get to reply you earlier..
These times when i fall asleep...
I will go in deep sleep..
Maybe too much work..too much stress...
Too tired as well...
Mum is not feeling well today..
Might get admitted..
hope that she feels better later..
